


Something More

by CamRaz



Category: We Bare Bears (TV)
Genre: I'll add tags later maybe??, M/M, idk how to do this fjdj, ive never used ao3 before
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 05:18:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamRaz/pseuds/CamRaz
Summary: Panda has been getting used to Charlie hanging around him often, finally enjoying his company and feeling comfortable calling him his best friend. But Panda begins to suspect he might be feeling something else towards Charlie, and however much his brothers encourage him, he worries Charlie might not feel the same way.





	1. Chapter 1

Panda's buzzing phone pulled him from a heavy sleep. It played at top volume the intro to his favorite anime, but he was too tired to be anything but annoyed by the familiar tune. With a clumsy paw he hit the snooze button and rolled over, clutching his pillow. Five minutes went by too fast and just as sleep began to envelope him again his phone went off. Why'd he set a stupid alarm anyway? He picked up his phone and brought it just close enough to his face for him to make out the label:

"fair thing wake up"

Oh, right. The moment he'd heard that the fair was coming to town, Grizz had bought tickets for the three of them and today was the day they were going. Panda turned off his alarm and sat with his legs over the side of the bed. It was still mostly dark out. Grizz, in his enthusiasm, had insisted they go at the earliest possible time to beat all the lines and go on all the rides. The thought made Panda a bit queasy. He never very much liked fairs or amusement parks. All the greasy food, people yelling anywhere you went, small, enclosed spaces, hot asphalt, not to mention the terrifying stomach-dropping rides... But Grizz had bought three tickets before Panda was able to object, and he couldn't possibly decline a day spent with his brothers, especially when they both seemed so excited for it; even his younger brother had expressed something like joy in regards to the fair.

He rubbed his eyes and got to his feet with a grunt, walking half-asleep into the kitchen and pouring himself a cup of coffee after putting in his contacts. Unsurprisingly Grizz was already up and waiting on the couch next to Ice Bear, his backpack at his feet. "Hey, little bro! So glad to see you're finally up!"

Panda sat on the other side of him, taking a sip of his coffee. "Remind me again why we're going to this thing?" He may have chosen to go with his brothers to the fair, but that didn't mean he'd let his complaints go unheard.

"Only because it's the most _thrilling_ fair around!! It said so right on the website. They've got the coolest rides, all sorts of awesome games, and it's been way too long since I last had cotton candy!"

"Ice Bear will beat all rigged games. Down with the system."

Panda only huffed. Why couldn't he share their joy for fairs and theme parks? It seemed like they were just a universally enjoyed thing, but the whole scene was uncomfortable to him, he hated how weirdly artificial everything was. It just seemed like fake fun to him—forced happiness. But both of his brothers thoroughly enjoyed fairs, so who was he to take away their joy? Maybe he'd even end up somewhat enjoying himself this time. His stomach turned with uneasiness, but he tried to be optimistic. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad.

"Aww, cheer up, Pan-Pan!" Grizz said with a nudge, as if reading his mind. "I know how you feel about amusement parks. But you don't have to go on the rides! We'll need someone to guard our stuff anyway."

Panda frowned. The idea of standing at the bottom of the roller coasters in a sea of strangers waiting for his brothers to finish their ride appealed to him about as much _being_ on the nauseating ride did.

Grizz ruffled the fur on top of Panda's head. "C'mon, buddy—after we're done, we can do whatever you want for the rest of the day. We could just get some froyo and sit around. Sound good?"

Froyo and doing nothing for the majority of the day _did_ sound good... yeah, they'd only be at the park for a couple hours, right? Panda figured he could power through it. "I.. I guess," he said.

"Haha, awesome! Knew you'd come around!" Grizz patted Panda on the back and stood up, grabbing his backpack and pulling it on. "We ready to get going?"

"Wait, I haven't even had breakfast yet—"

"Ice Bear brought granola bars for road." Their youngest brother handed Panda a bar.

"..Oh. Thanks." Before he could even get the wrapper off, Grizz was hurriedly pulling the two of them out the door.

\---

Panda threw away the granola bar wrapper in a nearby trash can once they'd reached their destination. Since it wasn't too far from where they lived, they just walked, taking a short cut through the woods. At first Panda had worried that a single granola bar wouldn't sustain him, but as he looked up at the tall neon-lit fair sign that loomed above him he lost his appetite.

Despite the sun just being barely over the horizon now, there was already a huge line to get in. Panda rubbed his arm. There were loads more people here than he'd expected. The thought of everyone packed together in a closed off space with limited capacity... he hadn't even looked at a ride yet and was already feeling nauseous.

Ten minutes passed like ten hours in the line, and by the time it was their turn to hand in their tickets Panda was already wishing the day was over. Grizz waited for the person in front of him to get his wrist band, his smile unfaltering despite the 10 minute wait.

"Psst!"

Panda jerked up. He raised a paw and rubbed at his ear, thinking maybe it was clogged up. Or maybe whoever had whispered was talking to someone else. He thought he heard some rustling in the nearby bushes. He shrugged it off and turned his attention back to his older brother, who was handing in the tickets.

"Psst—Panda! Over here!" Alright, that one was definitely intended for him. Now more uneasy than ever, Panda glanced around. It was no one in the line that had spoken to him. He wrung his hands nervously as he looked around for whoever was trying to get his attention, before he spotted a familiar face in the bushes by the trash can. Charlie smiled and waved at him from his hiding place. Panicking briefly, he tapped Grizz's arm.

"U-uh, Charlie's here, I think he wants to tell me something..."

"What? Charlie?" Grizz looked around before spotting him in the bushes. He looked at the man in the ticket booth then back at Panda and frowned. "...Alright, but try to make it quick. We're gonna get our wristbands soon."

Panda nodded and quickly dashed over to the bushes, ducking behind them where Charlie was crouched. "Charlie, what's—"

"Panda, I came over here to tell you, I mean—I wanna show you somethin'!" he spoke in a somewhat-loud whisper.

"Charlie, I really don't have time right now.. why _now_? Why are you here?" Frustration pricked in his voice.

Charlie seemed a bit taken aback. "O-oh, uh, sorry, I didn't realize you were busy. I just saw y'all walking through the woods and I—"

"Hey, Pan man! You alright over there?" Grizz called from the line. Panda peeked out from the bush and saw that his brothers already had their wrist bands on and were waiting on him.

"Um.. yeah, just gimme two seconds! I'll be there!" He ducked back behind the bush. "Charlie, I really have to go..! We're doing something right now, I can go see whatever it is you wanna show me some other time, okay?"

Charlie looked only slightly disappointed, which was a relief. He didn't wanna hurt his feelings or anything. "Sure bud, you got it. Let me know how your thing goes, however it is!"

"I probably shouldn't get my hopes up about it.." Panda grumbled to himself, feeling queasy once again as he remembered the fair awaiting him.

"What're you guys talking about?"

Panda had to hold in a startled scream when Grizz intruded on their quick conversation, leaning over the bushes. "Oh, Charlie just wanted to show me something."

Grizz paused for a moment. "Well... you could go if you wanted," he said, taking Panda by surprise.

"But I thought you wanted me to—"

"Aw, it's no problem, man! I know you never really wanted to go in the first place." He gave a sympathetic smile. "Really, you can go with Charlie if you want. I don't wanna force you into something you don't wanna do."

"Really..?"

"Ice Bear is tired of holding up the line," Panda heard from a few feet away, followed by some angry impatient voices in the background. He glanced up at Grizz, then down to Charlie next to him.

"I-I don't wanna impose, you guys seem like you have something important planned, so I'll just—" On an impulse, Panda grabbed Charlie's arm before he could get up and walk off back into the woods.

"No, I'll go with you..!" he decided. He looked back at Grizz, smiling down at him.

"Alright, little bro! Guess I'll see you after the park, then!" He gave Panda one last pat on his head before he went off to rejoin Ice in the line. "You two have fun!!"

Panda smiled gratefully back after his big brother, then turning back to Charlie he breathed a sigh of relief. "Man, I really hate fairs.." he said, not necessarily to anyone. "I hope they enjoy themselves, though."

Unexpectedly Panda found himself being pulled into a rather tight hug. "Man—I'm not sure about what goes on in a fair exactly, I've never been; but that you would choose me over it really feels special..!"

After pulling himself out of the hug, Panda let Charlie lead him back into the woods. "Ugh, it's awful. It's like if you put junk food and a pile of garbage on wheels and packed it full of hundreds of smelly people."

"Heh, that sounds pretty great, actually!" Charlie said as he ducked under a branch. "...besides the people part, at least."

"It's _not_ great! I don't see the appeal. All the food tastes like greasy plastic and the rides are just panic-inducing."

"Aw, well I'm glad you were able to play hooky today!" Charlie laughed. "What I wanna show you doesn't have any greasy foods or scary rides."

Panda smiled. "That's a relief."

After a bit of walking they came upon Charlie's "home". Charlie picked up Panda who let out an undignified squeak of surprise as his friend leapt over the small cliff that hid the clearing he stayed in. Panda got to his feet and was about to continue forward, but was blocked by Charlie.

"Nuh uh, you've gotta close your eyes first," he said with a smile.

"Uh.. alright?" A bit confused, Panda covered his eyes with his paws. He felt Charlie's hand on his back slowly guiding him forward until they both stopped.

"Can I open my eyes now, Charlie?"

"Go ahead!"

He uncovered his eyes to see a familiar scene before him, the abandoned car (covered in snakes, of course), and... his painting? He'd nearly forgotten about it; it had been about a week since he gave it to Charlie, his muddy "signature" still in the upper corner. It was hanging up on a tree right next to where Charlie slept.

"As you can see," his friend began, "I've made my home as inviting as possible! I cleaned up the place," he pointed to a pile of dead leaves at the edge of the clearing. "Hung up your painting in the best place so I could see it every time I come here, and look—check this out!" Charlie beckoned Panda forward and turned his attention to three piles of what looked like moss and freshly fallen leaves woven together with pine needles. "I made you guys beds in case you ever wanna sleep over! And the best part is it's under the thickest tree in the clearing, so if it's sunny you'd get shade and if it's rainy you'll stay dry! Well.. mostly dry, anyway."

Panda couldn't help but smile. The place definitely had improved since he'd snuck out here to steal back his painting, and he admired the amount of care and effort his usually-messy friend had put into this little project. ..What he still couldn't figure out, though, is why Charlie felt it was so important to share this with him that he would risk his own comfort by following him to a place jam packed with people.

"How long did it take you to do all this, Charlie?" Panda reached down to feel the "beds" on the floor of the clearing.

"Oh, only a couple hours. Er.. besides those," he motioned to the beds Panda was testing. "Those took me a good few days, haha."

"Wow.. all so we'd be comfortable if we ever came over..?" Panda looked up from the soft beds to Charlie. "You're a really good friend," he said with a smile, and with a small pang of guilt realized it was the first time he'd ever told him that.

Charlie's eyes widened and he smiled excitedly. "R..really? You really think that?" He scratched the back of his head.

"Of course, man! You're amazing." He paused for a moment. Was "amazing" too much? Was that weird to say? He looked for a reason to change the subject and noticed his feet caked with mud. He screwed up his face and brushed a leaf off his shoulder. He was filthy. "Hey, uh, I have an idea. Why don't we go clean off this mud in a stream? We've got a few hours to kill, so that's more than enough time."

"Oh—alright, sure!" Charlie nodded, smiling bashfully, likely still thinking about Panda's earlier compliment.

"Cool, let's go—" Just wanting to get away, Panda hurried off but stopped in his tracks, realizing he had no clue where the nearest stream was. He turned around. "Uh.. maybe you should lead."

\---

The wide but slow-moving stream was perfect to clean off in. It was shallow, but not so much that only your feet would get wet, and the rocks on the bottom were smooth and not jagged. Panda waded by a large rock, the water reaching his stomach, and reached down to rub off what little mud remained on his foot. He then leaned back against the rock and watched Charlie talk to a little group of snakes.

"...Well, it's very nice to meet you, too!" The snake hissed. "Oh, no, the pleasure's all mine!" He turned to look at a different snake. "Snake, your extended family's lovely. Thanks for bringing them out here to meet me, it means a lot!" Another hiss, and Charlie turned back to the other snake. "Oh, why, I'd love to join you all for dinner sometime, Mrs. Snake! It's a real shame Mr. Snake couldn't make it today, but I understand he's busy with work and all."

Panda laughed a little to himself. He wondered if every animal's language just came naturally to Charlie or if he had taken time over the years to learn how they all speak. Either way, it was enjoyable to watch. Panda waded back over to the pebbly bank and grabbed his phone, checking the time. It was only 9:30, and Grizz and Ice should be back at the cave at around 11, so he and Charlie still had plenty of time.

"Alright, bye now! I'll be sure to come by to visit sometime soon!" Charlie was waving to the family of snakes slithering away into the bushes. He put his hands on his hips and chuckled. "Ah, good ol' snake family."

Panda stood on the grass and shook his legs one at a time to dry them a bit, his fur was soaked. He patted down where his fur was spiked up and turned to Charlie, who was now sitting on the rock Panda had been leaning against and was kicking at the water. "You gettin' out already, Pan Pan? It's only been about ten minutes!"

"Well, I mean, I'm clean now, and I already dried myself off mostly, so—"

"Aw, boo!" he called. "C'mon, Pan man, this spot's perfect for fish-watching!"

Panda sighed and got back in the water, wading carefully over to where Charlie sat and climbed up on the rock next to him. The sun sparkled off the water and Panda could catch glimpses of small fish here and there. "Heh, see? I told you! Perfect for fish-watching," he said, nudging Panda with his elbow. But the rock was slippery with algae, and Panda's heart caught in his chest as he nearly fell.

"Woah—gotcha!" Charlie's arms wrapped around him and pulled him back into a sitting position before Panda was even able to cry out. He sat there for a moment, eyes wide, breathing heavily, trying to recover from the brief shock. "Er.. you alright, Panda? You seem pretty shaken, it really wouldn't have been that long of a fall, I'm sure you wouldn't have gotten hurt..."

Once he was fully recovered, Panda grinned to himself, turning to face Charlie. "Oh, I'm fine, Charlie.." his voice had a mischievous tint. "..but are _you_?"

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Wha..? What do you me—" Before he could finish his thought, Panda shoved Charlie off the rock; he shrieked and landed with a splash in the stream below. Chuckling, Panda slid off the rock to face a surprised (and now wet) Charlie. "Hey... I'll get you back for that!" Standing up, now _he_ put on a mischievous grin. He reached down into the water and splashed Panda with such force he nearly toppled over. Huffing, Panda splashed Charlie back, but it was measly compared to the practical tidal wave Charlie'd given him.

"Hey, that's not fair! You have big hands and I just have stubby paws!"

His taller friend only laughed and threw a wet wad of moss at him. Panda wiped it off. "Ugh, gross, man! I just got clean!" He stepped forward to grab some moss off a rock and get even, when he stepped on a jagged rock. He slapped his mouth with his paw, hoping to muffle any pained cry he let out, but he supposed his expression gave him away. Charlie rushed over.

"Ah, Panda! Are you alright?" His worried eyes searched Panda's face and the water around him. "Somethin' bite you? What happened?"

Panda winced as he brought up his foot, leaning back into Charlie's arms to steady himself. "Ow ow.. I just... I just stepped on a sharp rock is all," he gulped when he felt a warm stinging sensation on the bottom of his foot. He knew he must be bleeding, but didn't want to check. He inhaled sharply through his teeth.

"Uh.. don't worry, Panda, I'll get you outta here..." Charlie picked him up and carried him over to a grassy spot by the bank, carefully setting him down. "Lemme see.." He gingerly picked up Panda's foot to examine it. "Well, the good news is it looks like you only got a small cut, so it should heal up real soon."

"What's the bad news?" His voice was strained. He knew it was just a tiny cut, but he couldn't stand cuts. "Is it infected?"

"No, no, nothing like that, I'm sure it'll be fine." Charlie rubbed his chin. "...But you shouldn't walk on this foot till it's bandaged up, and we're a little ways from the cave."

Panda whimpered and held his injured foot, a bit embarrassed at how badly he was taking such a minor injury.

"No worries, though! We'll get you back there ASAP. I can just carry you!" Charlie assured, patting Panda's head.

He looked up at his friend, silhouetted by the morning sun, rainbow water droplets clinging to his fur, his reassuring smile and friendly eyes. ....That could make a good painting. "Alright, if you're sure..."

Panda yelped as he was immediately scooped up. "Aw, it's no problem at all, Pan man! Anything for you!"

Panda smiled gratefully, and they were off. Charlie moved swiftly through the forest, eyes focused on the trail ahead, occasionally glancing down at Panda, who had both arms wrapped around him for dear life. When they came across a small ravine, Charlie jumped it with ease, clearly a jump he'd made before, but that didn't stop Panda's heart from nearly falling into his stomach.

It was a much shorter trip than Panda was anticipating. Just a few minutes and there they were. Inside the cave, Panda was set down gently on the couch, Charlie rummaging through cabinets throughout the house. "Aha!" he heard from the bathroom. "Got it!" Charlie came back into the living room with a roll of gauze in one hand and rubbing alcohol in the other. "Here you are...." He set down his supplies and kneeled in front of the couch, taking the cap off the rubbing alcohol.

Panda gulped as Charlie brought the bottle up to his foot. "..Uh, Charlie, you're not supposed to—" his thought was cut off as pain shot through him, and he just barely held back a cry, holding his breath instead. Too busy concentrating on _not_ screaming, he couldn't tell Charlie you were just supposed to gently dab the alcohol on with a cotton ball, not pour half the bottle directly onto the cut, but Charlie had already finished up. Panda let out a long breath. The pain was ebbing, giving way to a soft tickling sensation, but now the couch was soaked with rubbing alcohol.

"Alright! Now that you're all cleaned up, time to bandage that foot..." Charlie took out the gauze and wrapped it carefully around Panda's paw. ...He wasn't sure if that's exactly how gauze was supposed to work, but it felt fine, and his foot was already starting to feel better, so it must be okay. Charlie finished and taped the gauze (..with duct tape, but hey, whatever works), and admired his work. "Perfect! Good as new." He smiled down at Panda. "..Though, you should really rest here a while till you're ready to walk again."

"It'll be fine, Charlie.. I already feel better," he told him, and it was the truth. He could almost forget he'd ever even hurt his foot.

Charlie smiled. "Good! So you'll be walking again in no time." His expression fell a bit. "Er.. sorry I led you back into the stream. You wouldn't have stepped on the rock then..."

Panda waved his paw as if brushing Charlie's words away. "C'mon, man, it's not your fault. That was, like, the one sharp rock in the whole stream. I just had bad luck." He smiled reassuringly.

"...Really? You sure?"

"Of course! You didn't do anything wrong." He felt another stab of guilt. In the past, he might have blamed Charlie for his injury. He'd have to find the perfect time to apologize for how he used to treat him.

Charlie half-smiled. "Aw, I'm glad you think so, Pan man. Well... I'd best be going. You need to rest up, and when your brothers get back I'm sure they'll be too tired to take care of a guest, so..." Panda frowned. Did Charlie really think he was that much of a bother? ...And if he did, was it _his_ fault?

"Ah, Charlie, you can stay if you want, it's really no—"

"Nah, nah, it's alright. You need time to just kick back and watch TV. I'll get out of your hair." When Charlie reached the door, he turned back and waved to Panda, smiling widely, seemingly back to his regular cheerful self. "Bye now! Hope your paw feels better!" Panda smiled and called a "goodbye" after him as he closed the door. Sighing, Panda picked up the remote and turned on the TV. The newest episode of Swords and Castles was going to come on soon; he wondered when his brothers would be back. It couldn't be long past 10, so it'd probably be an hour, at least.

But it took only about fifteen minutes for his brothers to arrive. "Hey, Pan-Pan! We brought you some froyo! And—..hey, what happened to your foot?" Grizz set his grocery bag down on the coffee table and glanced worriedly at Panda's bandaged paw.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, really. Just a scrape. Charlie bandaged it." He couldn't help a little smile as he looked back down at the gauze around his foot, a surge of warmth going through him. "He even carried me back to the cave, haha."

"Oh, yeah! I totally forgot to ask! What was it Charlie wanted to show you?" Grizz sat down next to him and handed Panda his frozen yogurt.

"Ice Bear wants to know details." Their youngest brother sat on the far side of the couch, taking off his wrist band and tossing it into the trash can.

"Oh... it was just his place. He spruced it up a bit, it looks nice. You guys should go check it out sometime." Panda ate some of his froyo. "He'd appreciate it."

"..Huh. Weird." Grizz patted his chin.

"Weird? I don't think it's weird for him to wanna clean up his place."

"No, not that, just weird as in why he needed to show you so bad. Couldn't he have just done it some other time?"

"Well... it's Charlie. He likes to hang out with us and show us stuff all the time."

Grizz looked upwards in thought. "Yeah, but... Charlie's no people person. And there were kinda a lot of people there."

Panda shrugged. "I dunno, maybe he was just excited. He gets like that."

"Yeah, I guess." Grizz suddenly gasped. "Woah, is this the new swords and castles?! Awesome! We're just in time!"

"Ice Bear will get popcorn."

As Ice stood up to go get snacks for the show, Panda sank backwards into the couch and kept turning Grizz's words over in his head. Why _had_ Charlie risked his safety just to show him that? And why had he been in such a hurry to leave after Panda was hurt? He kept going over the day's events in his mind, trying to piece together some sort of puzzle that probably didn't even exist. Maybe it was just Charlie being Charlie.

He finished his froyo. His brothers squirmed excitedly beside him; this was the hour-long special season finale of their favorite show. Panda looked up at the ceiling.

...Just Charlie being Charlie. Whatever that was supposed to mean.


	2. Sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panda has a hard time sleeping, so he decides to get some fresh air... and maybe find some company, too.

Panda rolled onto his side and his stomach and even flipped all the way around in his bed, but sleep just couldn't find him. He figured if he was this awake anyway, he might as well get on his computer or something until he was tired. He sat in his chair and while he was trying to think of something to do, he noticed his sketchbook at the corner of his desk. He picked up a pencil and flipped it open to a blank page.

What to draw, what to draw... He started scribbling in the upper corner of the page, just random lines, but as he went his drawing started to take more of a coherent form. It looked almost like a silhouette of Charlie. ...May as well keep that up.

He started with Charlie's eyes, then moving to his nose and mouth and adding tufts of spiky fur here and there for detail. He found himself absently reminiscing about how Charlie had looked by the stream earlier that day, and how he'd carried him and held him tightly and treated his wound. He stretched his leg. His bandaged paw was fine to walk on, though he did walk with a small limp for now. Panda looked out the window into the cool night; he could almost still feel the morning breeze. An owl hooted somewhere far away, the sound nearly drowned out by his AC. He suddenly felt very cramped and uncomfortable in his room. He focused his attention back on his drawing.

With a colored pencil he added shading and lighting to the outside edges, coloring the sky orange and pink in the background. He admired his work and how much like Charlie it really did look. He'd gotten good at drawing him from so much practice. He sighed and leaned on his paw, thoughts whirling around in his mind, none of them really clear enough to understand. He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but his mind still buzzed. He stood up, deciding he needed fresh air.

Both of his brothers were fast asleep. He quietly opened the front door so he wouldn't wake them and stepped outside, deeply breathing in the refreshing night air. He closed the door and headed for the trees.

He hesitated, realizing he was going in the direction of Charlie's home. Probably just a natural reflex because the last time he'd been outside so late he had been going to steal his painting back. A breeze ruffled the leaves of a bush and for a moment Panda's heart skipped a beat. Was he hoping it was Charlie? He limped past the first few trees, now actually in the woods. He was still wide awake, so he might as well continue.

This path was different when he wasn't in a huge rush like he had been last time. He'd been so busy thinking about the painting that he hadn't even stopped to admire the woods. It was serene and quiet at night, nothing at all like most horror movies portrayed the woods in the dark. Though he still felt a bit uneasy in the vast quietness of it all. He continued forward.

Crickets chirped from the bushes, but other than that there was no sign of life out here, everything that lived here must be sleeping. ..Including Charlie.

He reached the small cliff and sat down, trying to decide whether or not to continue forward. Charlie was most likely asleep, and he didn't want to wake him up, not to mention the drop off and huge mud puddle that lied in his way. He had come out here just to get some fresh air and that's all he intended on doing. But despite it all he still felt himself being drawn towards the clearing. He figured it was just the quiet and loneliness of the still woods that beckoned him forward; he probably just subconsciously wanted some company. He should just ignore it and turn back.

...But the itch to visit Charlie again was frustratingly hard to ignore. If he didn't want to get muddy or climb down a cliff, he could always just go around to the back of the clearing...

He shook his head. This was dumb. He'd already seen Charlie today, anyway. Sure, he'd been a _bit_  disappointed when he left so soon, but only because he didn't want to stay in the cave alone while he waited for his brothers. He stood up and started walking back in the direction he came.

But... He stopped and turned around. If he went around the back of the clearing it would help him burn off more steam, likely helping him sleep better when he decided to go to sleep. He kept arguing with himself back and forth and finally gave in. He'd go see Charlie's clearing, just _see_ , then go back home.

As he walked through the trees towards the back of the clearing he kept telling himself this was just to help make him tired enough to sleep. He didn't need to see Charlie, he just _thought_  he did, and only because the woods at night are cold and lonely.

He heard a branch snap and froze. ..Was someone else here? No, probably just a squirrel. He pressed on, more slowly this time. He was almost at the clearing.

He saw a shadow move. His heart thumped. Probably just an owl. He backed into the clearing—he was finally here. He stepped slowly and quietly towards Charlie's car where he was most likely sleeping. Another branch snapped and a shadow approached the clearing, most definitely not a squirrel or an owl. Panda gulped and prayed that it wasn't a wolf. He and them weren't exactly on good terms. The shadow got closer and closer, and Panda tripped over one of the beds on the floor, falling over and staring up at the shadow with wide, panicked eyes.

"Oh, hey, Pan-Pan! What're you doing here?" came a familiar and delighted sounding voice. Charlie kneeled down to where Panda was laying. "Came to check out the pad again, huh? Haha, I'm glad you like it so much! I worked pretty hard! Whup, let me get that for you..." He brushed off a leaf stuck behind Panda's ear. Panda took a deep breath of relief and his heart slowed. It was just Charlie. He looked up at his friend, feeling reassured and safe in his presence.

"...Well, you gonna say somethin'? You're kinda, uh, staring," Charlie said, glancing away as if he were embarrassed.

Panda's face grew hot. Had he been staring? He picked himself off the ground to a sitting position and cleared his throat. "...Sorry, didn't mean to, I was just.. surprised to see you is all."

Charlie blinked. "I... live here, Pan man."

Panda's face flushed even more in embarrassment. "I-I know, I just thought you'd be sleeping."

Charlie rubbed the back of his head. "..Yeah, I couldn't sleep tonight. Dunno why." He glanced down as if he weren't quite telling the truth, but Panda didn't press him.

"You and me both, then. I'm not tired at all." He messed around with a leaf on the ground to busy himself.

"Well, wanna walk around for a bit till you're tired? That's what I just got back from doin', but I could still go a while more."

Panda smiled. "Sure, Charlie. Good idea."

\---

The woods weren't so cold and lonely with Charlie by his side. He'd insisted on Charlie leading by holding Panda's hand; since he still limped a bit, he could fall behind, so he figured it'd be best. A cool breeze blew by and he pressed against Charlie for warmth.

It was nice to just walk next to him. Something about Charlie was just... pleasant and inviting. He always spoke with a friendly tone and expressed his love outwardly, and he had so much of it to give, too. Panda wished he could even be half the friend Charlie was to him.

He shook his head, focusing his attention back on the sounds of the forest around him, the chirping crickets, the distant hooting of owls, the crunch of dead leaves as they walked along the floor. He focused on anything he could to distract himself from feeling guilty. He could find the right words to apologize for how he used to act another time. For now, he tried to just enjoy the walk.

Next to him, his uncharacteristically quiet friend finally spoke. "So, uh, how about that foot? Seems like it's healing nicely."

Panda nodded. "It is. It hurts a little to walk on, but nothing I can't stand or get used to." He elbowed Charlie in the side and smiled up at him. "Thanks to you for taking care of me."

Charlie stared at him for a moment and smiled. "It's no problem, Pan man. I'll always help out my best bud!" He paused for a moment as if he wanted to say something more, then just closed his mouth and turned back to the trail ahead. "Hey, you wanna see one of my favorite trees?"

"Uh, alright," It was unlike Charlie to be acting as uneasy as he was. Something was bothering him. Maybe he'd just had a bad dream and that's what had kept him up. He decided that, for now, he wouldn't pry.

They came upon the tree Charlie wanted to show Panda. It was a tall pine tree, taller than most of the trees surrounding it, but otherwise not that special. Charlie stood at the base and gazed up into its branches as if he intended on climbing it.

"...Ah, Charlie, I probably shouldn't be climbing with my foot and all.." He glanced up anxiously. The truth was he was just afraid of falling, but he didn't want to admit it.

"Aw, don't worry, you won't be climbing!" Panda sighed with relief. "....I can carry you!"

"U-uh..." Eyes wide with worry, Panda tried to pick between his pride and his fear. "..Okay, but wouldn't that be ha—" Panda couldn't finish his sentence, finding himself once again scooped up in Charlie's arms for what was probably the third time that day. Being carried with one arm like a baby wasn't the most dignified mode of transport, but his embarrassment was replaced with awe as Charlie easily scaled the branches even while holding him.

Panda was set down on one of the sturdier branches near the top, Charlie taking a seat next to him. Panda gulped and refused to look down but couldn't shake the fear that this branch was pretty narrow and easy to slip off of. Charlie put his arm on Panda's shoulder, steadying him, as if reading his mind.

"Pan man, you alright?" Charlie asked softly, as if he were scared of waking up the sleeping birds in the tree with them.

"Yeah, all good here," Panda croaked out, gripping the branch for dear life with his eyes tightly shut to make looking down impossible. He practiced the breathing technique Grizz and Ice had practiced with him before to help him with anxiety; breathe in for five seconds and out for seven, and he repeated it until he felt calm again. He opened his eyes and glanced around to find Charlie's calm and affectionate eyes beside him, and Panda immediately turned away and fell into a coughing fit.

The sheer surprise at what he'd just felt had triggered it and he held his paw over his mouth, brows furrowed in confusion at himself. It's not as if he'd never seen Charlie's eyes before, so what'd gotten into him? And it wasn't as if Charlie's never had a gentle expression like that before, either. Maybe it was just the anxiety from being up in the tree resurfacing, that's all he could think of that made the most sense. He cleared his throat. Yeah, that was definitely it.

"Hey, Panda," Charlie said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Look." He motioned forward and Panda looked up. From up here he could see the sparkling lights of the city, the tiny, distant headlights of moving cars and the bridge, lit up a bright red from the bottom. He blinked, staring in awe at this view of the city he'd never seen before. Did Charlie see this all the time?

"I come up here sometimes just 'cause it's nice to watch the cars and such. The city's really nice to look at from far away." He scratched his head. "...But what I don't get is why everyone keeps their lights on at night. Can't anyone who lives there sleep?"

Panda smiled. "Well, it's probably nice to look out an upper story window and see all those lights below. It's like stars, sorta."

Charlie frowned. "Why can't they just look up at the _real_  stars?"

Panda shrugged, too tired to explain light pollution to Charlie. Out here in the forest, the stars were a bit more visible. He glanced up at them, but quickly got tired of holding his head up (and didn't want to risk falling backwards). He yawned. The short walk with Charlie combined with his hike over here had tired him out, and the adrenaline from the climb was wearing off. He felt like he was ready to sleep.

"Charlie?"

"Hm?"

"I think I'm ready to go home now. I'm tired enough to sleep."

Charlie smiled down at him. "Good! Glad I could help. I think I'm about ready to hit the sack, too..." There was no hint of exhaustion in his friend's eyes, but Panda took his word for it. "Hold on tight, Pan man.."

The climb down was a lot less stressful than the climb up, and Panda sighed when his feet finally touched the ground again, relieved that he was no longer clutching onto an unsteady branch. Panda rubbed his eyes, now barely able to keep them open. "Er, want me to walk you home, Panda? You seem pretty tired, wouldn't want you to get lost or anything..."

Panda waved his paw. "No, no, I'll be..." He trailed off, considering Charlie's offer. He _would_  feel more assured having Charlie guide him home, even if he knew the way. "..Actually, yeah, if you don't mind..."

Charlie patted his head. "'Course I don't mind!" He took Panda's paw in his hand and they started back towards the cave. "You wouldn't get much of a good night's sleep stuck out in the woods, ha."

Panda walked with a slow step, sometimes closing his eyes on the way and letting Charlie do all the guiding. Luckily, his best friend was patient with him, much to Panda's gratitude. By the time they got to the cave Panda could barely stand on his feet, but denied Charlie's offer to carry him inside; he didn't want to be carried _again_ , he still had some dignity left. Eyes barely open, he opened the door and turned to wave Charlie goodbye, who told him goodnight and leaned down to peck him on the forehead as he'd done many times before, Panda far from in any mood to fight him, or really do anything but smile up at him. Charlie left and Panda stumbled inside, towards his room.

He crashed on his bed and could feel himself drifting off almost instantly. Unconsciously he lifted a paw to feel his for some reason tingling forehead, curled around a pillow and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very sorry that this took so long!!! I've actually had this chapter done for a while, but to make up for it chapter 3 will be added very soon!


	3. Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something feels... off, and it has Panda's mind wandering. After a surprising conversation with his brothers, Panda realizes he's been completely missing the obvious.

Panda sat mindlessly flipping through channels on the TV. Nothing good ever came on in the morning. He yawned—he'd managed to get around 7 hours of sleep last night, but he still felt tired. Grizz sat next to him, eating a bowl of Frosty Fluffs (somewhat messily). Ice was in the kitchen finishing up his omelet, and Panda had already eaten.

"So, little bro, you gonna be ready to go soon?" Grizz asked through a mouthful of cereal.

Panda raised an eyebrow. "Go..? Where are we going?"

"Oh, right. I think we forgot to tell you." He swallowed and set his bowl down on the coffee table. "We're gonna go shopping today. We need groceries, I need some new props for my movie, he—" Grizz motioned to Ice Bear, "—needs more axe polish, and I'm sure you could use some stuff, too, right?"

Panda tapped his chin. "Uhh... Well, now that you mention it, there _is_  this new video game out that I'd like to try—"

"Cool! So we can all get something." Grizz grinned widely and stood up, rubbing his paws together. "You ready to leave, little bro?" he called towards the kitchen.

"Ice Bear needs to shower first," came the reply.

"Alright, that's cool." Grizz sat back down and picked up his bowl. "Guess I'll have time to finish this, then."

Panda took this opportunity to get ready to go himself, straightening out his fur and putting his contacts in. He frowned at the small bits of dirt and twigs still clinging to his fur and shook it out as best he could. He could shower when they got back.

Outside the cave, they assumed stack formation, Panda just a little clumsier than normal when climbing onto Ice Bear's back since he was still wary of his foot. The cut had all but healed by now, but he was still nervous to put pressure on it. Grizz took his position at the top and the three were off to the mall.

As they walked past stores (individually now), window-shopping, checking out sales and checking off items on their list of things to buy, Panda couldn't help but feel a bit distracted. As much as he enjoyed the air-conditioned, dirt-free and people-filled excursions at the mall he found himself glancing out any window or door he saw that led outside. The outdoors could be just as good as the indoors, sometimes. The three walked into a little novelties shop and Panda lost himself staring at a postcard featuring the pine forest he'd walked through just last night.

"Uh, Pan-man? _Ahem_ ," Grizz tapped him on the shoulder.

"Wh.. huh? Oh. Sorry." He shook his head, collecting himself. "Guess I'm just a little tired."

Grizz and Ice shared a glance. Panda narrowed his eyes but didn't question them.

"Alright, bro, well, we've got everything we need."

"Ice Bear got new cutting board for 50% off," their little brother said, holding up a plastic bag to prove it. "As well as the axe polish he needed."

"So we can go get that new video game you wanted now." Grizz smiled.

"Oh, alright, let's go." Panda fell in behind Grizz and Ice as they made their way to the game store. Someone walked by wearing a perfume that smelled like the forest. Panda shook his head. The outdoors was supposed to _clear_  his mind, not cloud it. Naturally, thoughts of the forest led to thoughts of Charlie. Or had subconscious thoughts of Charlie triggered the memories about the forest? Either way, they were the same in his mind. He wondered what his friend was doing right now. Talking to snakes, most probably. Maybe decorating his home a bit more. Panda smiled at the thought. Maybe he was making more little figurines out of sticks and vegetables.

"Oof—sorry," Panda mumbled, having just bumped into Ice Bear while he'd walked around in a dreamlike stupor.

Grizz frowned. "..You okay, bro? You're acting a little off today. Did you stay up all night again?"

Panda shook his head, rubbing his temple. "No... maybe I had a weird dream." He shrugged, not wanting to admit that he couldn't get to sleep and his very first thought had been to visit Charlie. He didn't know why he wanted to keep this from his brothers. He just felt it was... private, for some reason.

Grizz shared another knowing look with Ice, causing a little spark of frustration in Panda's gut. What did _they_  know that he didn't? Had they heard him sneaking out last night?

"What? What is it?"

Grizz just shrugged. "Nothing, bro. Let's just get you that game."

//

Back at home, the three started putting up the groceries. Panda had, multiple times, had to tear his gaze away from the window. Something pulled him towards the woods again, and it was really starting to get on his nerves. He just went to the woods. Twice in one day, even. Why did he keep wanting to go back?

Once the groceries were put away, Panda sat on the couch and slid down it lazily until he was almost falling off. He stared at the ceiling and sighed heavily. Something was so uncomfortable and just not _right_. And the most frustrating part is that he hadn't the slightest idea of what it could be.

He started flipping through channels again. This time he found some show about monster trucks with an obnoxiously enthusiastic yet gritty-sounding narrator. Grizz would like this. "Hey, Grizz," he called. "I found this monster truck show, do you wanna watch it?"

"Uhh, maybe later, Pan-Pan. We were actually hoping you'd come in here for a minute?"

Panda glanced confusedly toward the kitchen, hearing nothing but low murmuring from his brothers. What did they want? Would it be another lecture on his sleeping habits? He sighed and stood up, walking over to where they sat at the kitchen table, pulling up a chair and sitting down opposite both of them.

"So... Panda," Grizz began. Somehow, this felt like an interrogation. Panda began to feel uneasy. "You've been acting super weird lately."

Ice nodded. "Ice Bear can't help but notice differences." He tilted his head. "Mental, as well as physical," he reached forward to brush some dirt from Panda's fur.

Panda's heart quickened. This was definitely feeling like an interrogation. What was he being accused of? "I-I, uh, I didn't shower yesterday." He rubbed his arm. "I must've gotten some dirt on me when Charlie took me out to his place yesterday."

"Didn't you say you washed off in a stream?" Grizz said, leaning forward, eyes narrowed. Grizz definitely saw this as an interrogation, and was getting way too in-character. Panda wouldn't be surprised if he started banging his fists on the table and demanding where he'd been that night, the night of whatever faux murder or whatever it was he was being accused of took place.

"Yeah, but the forest is dirty," Panda said with a shrug. "It's not like I couldn't get dirt on me on the way back."

Grizz stood up and began pacing around the kitchen, definitely way too into his character, and continued making his case. "That may be, but could that also explain the lack of sleep you got last night? What _else_ have you been doing? Could it be that..." He stopped and leaned down in front of Panda. "...You went out into the woods _just last night?_ "

Panda wanted to roll his eyes at the unnecessary dramatic edge Grizz gave his words, but he felt so put on the spot that he couldn't help but fall into a character as well. It's as if he were being placed on trial and the only one to defend him was himself. He didn't know why he felt so nervous, it wasn't as if he'd committed any crime, but the way this conversation was going he definitely felt like he did. "N..no, I was here all last night!" Why had he lied? It's not like he needed to. Going to see Charlie wasn't an offense of any kind, so why did he feel so inclined to hide it?

Grizz nodded, but didn't look convinced. "Mhm, mhm.... While that _could_  be true, what do you have to say about... _this_?" Grizz pulled out a piece of paper from behind his back. Panda's drawing of Charlie from last night.

His heart skipped a beat and he instinctively snatched the paper. "Hey! What were you doing going through my stuff?!"

" _And_ , as I seem to recall, our little bro and I were the last ones to come home yesterday, so you claim. And I distinctly remember shutting the door completely. Why, then..." Grizz leaned in so close that Panda had to lean backwards. "Was the door _ajar_  this morning?"

Panda gulped. His gaze flickered from Ice to Grizz. He might as well come clean. ...'Come clean'? Why was he so scared to admit this? "Alright, fine! I confess, I confess!"

Grizz stood up straight again. "I admit it! I snuck out into the woods last night. I couldn't sleep and I wanted some fresh air, so I took a walk." He fumbled with the piece of paper in his paws. "..Hey, wait a minute, what does this drawing of Charlie have anything to do with that?"

Grizz nodded slowly, ignoring his question. "So you admit you went out to see Charlie again."

"I-I never said that!"

"But you did, didn't you?"

Panda fell silent, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt for lying to his brothers when he had no real reason to. "..Yeah. I did."

Grizz and Ice were both quiet, and Panda looked up. He saw them looking at each other again, annoyance pricking at Panda like thorns. Grizz looked back at him, warmth in his eyes. Panda screwed up his face. Why would he look at him like that? So _happily_  when only moments ago he'd been interrogating him?

"Little bro, why didn't you tell us sooner?"

Panda's confusion only escalated. "Wh.. huh? Tell you what?"

"Come on, man, you don't have to hide it from us anymore!" Grizz nudged him with an elbow and smiled brightly. What in the world happened? Why was he so happy all of a sudden? And what was he talking about? Panda couldn't think of anything he was hiding.

"Hide _what_ from you? Can you tell me what's going on, please?"

Grizz surprised him with a tight hug. "I'm so happy for you, bro!"

"Ice Bear knew. Was bound to happen eventually."

Panda's eyebrows knit and his mouth wide open, he could hardly form a coherent sentence because of how little he understood what was going on. "Grizz, wh—"

"My little Pan-Pan's not single anymore! I'm so happy for you!" Grizz squeezed him tightly and then released him, ruffling the fur on top of his head. "Congrats, buddy! Charlie's perfect for you, y'know. Much more down-to-earth than all those other girls you tried dating. And I can tell he makes you really happy!"

The gears in Panda's head turned and finally clicked into place. He stared, wide-eyed at his older brother. He thought... no, not just him, but Ice Bear too, they both thought he was _dating_  Charlie? His mouth went dry. He wasn't—he would never... how could they even _think_  that—...Panda was at a complete loss for words. "I-I, I'm...."

Grizz turned to Ice. "D'aw, he's so happy he's speechless!"

Suddenly and somewhat violently Panda shook his head. "No—no, I'm not dating Charlie! Why would you even... why would you ever think that?" Panda was mortified. Charlie was his best friend! The _thought_  of... No! They were just friends and that's where it ended! Panda felt his face flooding with heat. He was so embarrassed he was afraid he might evaporate.

Grizz was silent for a minute, then frowned, looking disappointed. "..Oh, sorry for assuming. We just thought, cause you spend so much time alone with him and you two seem so happy..."

"Well you can't just _assume_  things like that, Grizz! I-I could never... I wouldn't... I wouldn't date him, okay? I mean, he's just... we're just friends." Panda's vision blurred and he felt tears brim his eyes, which made absolutely no sense and frustrated him beyond belief. He was already incomprehensibly mortified, what use would crying be except to make the whole situation worse? He rubbed at his eyes before the tears could fall. "I'm going to my room." He stormed off, leaving behind two shocked brothers and a particularly sad-looking Grizz.

He could hear his heartbeat thrumming in his ears as he lay with his face in his pillow. He looked up and picked up the drawing again, staring at it intently as if it would give him the answers to all his questions. Why would they think something like that? Did he and Charlie hanging out really give off that impression?

The longer he stared at the drawing the more he could feel the forest come alive around him. He could almost hear Charlie's voice. He crumpled up the paper and threw it across the room, turning to lay on his side and stare out the window.

Dating... Charlie. He certainly was happy around him, but that's just a sign of a healthy platonic friendship. He did feel... drawn to him, from time to time. But that doesn't mean romantic attraction. He scoffed. As if he would be romantically interested in someone like Charlie. Someone as loud, lanky, smelly... friendly, bright, sweet... caring...

Oh. He gulped.

But he still couldn't know for sure! This was Grizz's fault, it must be. He'd never felt this way about Charlie before, his brothers' words were just confusing him. No, he was sure he'd never felt this way about Charlie before. He recalled the way his heart had fallen when he thought he'd ruined Charlie's painting. The way Charlie had looked, sitting in that patch of sunlight on the couch, how it inspired Panda more than anything he'd ever seen had. His face got hotter. He remembered how he'd felt when Charlie saved him back in that sewer and when he fixed his glasses, he remembered how little he cared about the restaurant they'd spent so long trying to get to. He had wanted nothing but to be with Charlie.

The stream yesterday. How comfortable it felt to sit next to Charlie, the way he felt when he'd patched up his foot. And just last night, the lights, the bridge, the tree, the cool night air and how safe and right it felt to be with Charlie. His heart stuttered and skipped and Panda sat up, walking over to where he'd thrown the drawing and unfolded it. He glanced at his drawing and then at his closed door.

Guilt flooded him. It certainly hadn't been Grizz's fault. Panda had been so blind that he couldn't see what was right in front of him. His ear twitched and the weight of his realization in his heart turned his cheeks a dark pink. He set down the drawing and cleared his throat, preparing to open his door and apologize to Grizz for how he acted. To his surprise Grizz was already on the other side of the door when he opened it, paw raised as if he'd been preparing to knock. Grizz took a step back and glanced at the floor apologetically. "..Uh, hey, Pan man. Just wanted to say sorry for assuming stuff back there."

Panda shook his head. "No no, _I'm_  sorry, Grizz. I-I acted really mean. You were just trying to be a good big brother by being so happy for me. I could tell you were really excited. I was being a real dingle." He rubbed his arm and his face grew hot again. "I... uh... The stuff you said back there, about me and Charlie..." he gulped. "I-it made me realize something."

Grizz blinked. "Oh yeah?"

Panda shuffled his feet awkwardly. It felt so strange to admit this. He hadn't even considered that he'd felt this way about Charlie before. "I-I think that, uh, I like Charlie."

Grizz smiled, raising an eyebrow. "Well, yeah, bro, I already knew that."

"No, I mean _like_  him. Like romantically." It felt so weird to say, but as he said it he couldn't help but feel it was the truth. Something about how he felt about Charlie was... genuine. More so than any girl he'd ever liked.

"...Yeah. I knew that too."

"How could _you_  possibly know that if I didn't even know it until a few minutes ago?"

Grizz shrugged. "..Uh, it's pretty obvious you care about him a lot, Panda. I mean, what kind of crazy person would go walking around the woods at night but a crazy person in love?" He laughed.

In love. Panda gulped. That sounded about right. "Y..yeah. Anyway, I... does this make things weird now? Now that I know I like him? How will I interact with him normally again?" He scratched anxiously at his head.

Grizz threw an arm around him and started leading him back to the kitchen. "Don't worry, man! Now that you've realized your feelings, it's time you start trying to take your relationship up a notch."   
  
"Uh... up a notch? But how?"

"Don't you worry, Pan-Pan," Grizz said with a heavy pat on his back. Now back in the kitchen, Ice Bear stood up to join them. "We'll help give you all the flirting tips and tricks we know to kick your relationship into high gear!"

"Ice Bear is self-proclaimed romance expert."

Panda frowned, doubting that either of his brothers knew the first thing about romance. And he wasn't so sure if now was the time to start taking steps forward in his relationship with Charlie; everything was happening so fast. But right now, he was grateful for any help he could get. "...Alright. Where do we start?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this didn't take too long !!! I'm bad with remembering to update,, but chapter 4 is currently in the works so I'll update as soon as I can!


	4. Smitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panda tries to flirt with Charlie, but instead spends time chatting casually with him in the forest, and he realizes some things about himself he wished he'd seen sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very sorry this chapter took so long !!!! I had some trouble with it at first,, but I'd like to thank my friend @panlie-is-canon on tumblr for helping me a lot with this chapter!!

Panda took a deep breath. Talking to Charlie wasn't hard, he'd done it tons of times—he had nothing to worry about. He made sure he was ready before heading off into the forest. He fumbled with the note cards his brothers had given him (just in case), and the flower in his other paw. "It's all about the presentation," Grizz had told him. "If you give him something, he'll be happier and the conversation will go better!" Panda wasn't sure if that logic was perfectly sound, but he knew Charlie liked flowers, so he might as well give it to him. His eyes would probably light up with excitement. Panda smiled at the thought.

He froze in his tracks when he heard Charlie's voice from a little ways off. "Oh, yeah, I hear you! Sometimes it's like trees just get up and walk in your way!" He was laughing. Panda walked a bit closer and peered out from behind a tree.

"Oh, absolutely. I've had my fair share of run-ins with an unexpected trunk!" He was talking to a deer whose antlers were all scuffed up and covered with leaves. The buck snorted. "Uh huh, definitely. You'd think living in the forest all your life would teach you to watch out for trees, but you'd be surprised!"

Panda laughed a little to himself. Charlie was too sweet to be real. "Well, it was good talkin' to you too, Buck!" The deer snorted again, and Charlie laughed. "Alright, seeya around! Don't go running into any more trees!" He called as he waved to his friend, who headed back into the woods. Charlie sighed and slumped against the log he was leaning up against and closed his eyes, a relaxed and content smile on his face. Panda gulped. He looked really comfortable, maybe he shouldn't bother him...

No, no backing out now! Remember what Grizz said! "It's now or never, bro. You gotta talk to him while you're thinking about it or you'll never do it!" And he was right. He'd just spent that time with his brothers preparing for this, if he backed out now who knows when he'd get another opportunity to speak his mind?

He quickly looked through his flash cards. "Eye contact," one of them simply said in neat handwriting, probably Ice Bear's, with a little doodle on the side of two eyeballs and a smile, definitely Grizz's addition. Another said "be confident," and another "compliment him"... all of it was very cookie-cutter and he only now realized how stupid and unnecessary it was. He sighed. Stashing the cards away, he took a deep breath and prepared himself to walk out into the clearing.

"Oh, hey, Pan man! That you?"

Panda's heart stuttered in surprise. He shuffled awkwardly from behind the tree, greeted by Charlie's friendly gaze, resting right on him. The corner of his mouth twitched and he clutched the flower to his chest. "U-uh, hey, Charlie, funny, um... running into you here..." Panda glanced down and rubbed at his neck. He walked up to Charlie and extended his arm, flower in his paw. "I, uh, saw this while walking, and figured maybe you'd like it..."

Charlie's eyes widened. "For me..?" He gingerly took the flower from Panda and smiled brightly down at it, eyes sparkling. "Gosh, Panda, you really shouldn't have!" Panda's heart swelled. He couldn't believe he'd only just recently realized his feelings for Charlie, everything was plain as day now. It was impossible to hold back a smile himself.

Gratefully Charlie scooped him up in a tight hug, and Panda relaxed into it, relishing the feeling.

A bit to Panda's disappointment, Charlie pulled away. "So, what brings you all the way out here, Pan-Pan? Just going for another walk?"

"Yeah, uh, something like that..." Panda fumbled with the notecards behind his back and remembered something Grizz had said about honesty. He sighed. "....Er.. actually, Charlie, I came out here to see you."

Charlie blinked, eyes wide. It hurt Panda's heart a bit at how surprised he looked. "Golly, that's so nice of you, Panda!" A big smile stretched across his face and his eyes softened. "You came all the way out here just for me..."

Panda nodded, then drew in a deep breath. Maybe now was the perfect time to apologize to Charlie for how he used to act when he first met him. But he remembered the notecards and the advice from his brothers... everything got all jumbled up in his head. What should he say now? Should he tell him about his feelings, or start with flirting? Or just... talk? He wanted to sneak a peek at the cards for advice, when his eyes caught Charlie's again and he remembered why he liked him so much in the first place.

Charlie was genuine. He was a straightforward and kind person, he never kept secrets, and although he's unable to interact with the outside world he has so much love to give to the few friends he does have. He never felt the need to be artificial or fake around Charlie because he was always so open about himself and his thoughts and feelings. Conversations flowed naturally between them, there were no awkward silences or searching for the right words. Everything just... happened on its own. He felt safe around Charlie, like he was allowed to be the most true version of himself he could be.

He stashed the cards away, not giving them a second thought. It didn't matter what he or his brothers had planned, it doesn't matter what he needs to say, it'll all come in time, things will happen at their own pace. Panda grabbed Charlie's hand without thinking. "Do you wanna go on a walk? We can just... talk. Hang out. Do whatever."

Charlie smiled even wider, his eyes searching Panda's—likely out of confusion, since Panda never acted so forward, but he of course agreed, and they walked off into the woods with no need for direction or purpose, just to be near each other. Panda didn't let go of Charlie's hand.

///

"...And then, bam! Straight into the tree! But it's not his fault, he's had a rough few days. Probably just distracted, you know how it is," Charlie said with a shrug, and ducked under a branch as the two walked along. He had just gotten done telling the buck's story from earlier, most of which Panda already knew, because he'd been... well... spying, but he nodded along to the tale anyway. Just the fact that Charlie was telling the story made it worth listening to.

"Man. At least he had antlers to protect his head, right? ...Is that what antlers are even for?" Panda brought a paw up to his chin. "Or are they just for fighting and stuff..."

"I've got no idea, but they sure are cool lookin'," Charlie said. "Oh, hey! Look there!" Charlie squeezed Panda's hand and he looked up to where he was pointing. On top of a tree branch sat a little bird's nest full of chirping hatchlings. "Where do you think... Oh, there she is!" The mama bird returned to the nest to check on her babies. Panda turned to Charlie to see the most delighted smile on his face, which was, of course, contagious, so Panda found himself trying to hide his own smile. This certainly couldn't be anything abnormal for Charlie to see, since he lived in the woods and all, but he looked awestruck all the same. Panda's heart thumped in his chest. How did he deserve to be friends—no, best friends, even—with someone like this? So caring and sweet and open? The exact opposite of Panda in every possible way? Panda frowned, but quickly shook his head to clear his foggy mind. If his negativity was anywhere near as contagious as Charlie's positivity was, he didn't want to risk infecting his friend.

"Charlie? Why do, um..." How could he put this in a way that didn't sound self deprecating? "Uh... we're... we're best friends, right, Charlie?"

Charlie blinked down at him, his full attention trained on Panda now. "Of course!" He frowned a bit. "...Did you think we weren't?"

Panda shook his head fiercely. "N-no! No, of course not! I know we're best friends, but uh, I was just wondering..." He hoped he could veil his question so that it didn't sound like he felt inadequate. He knew Charlie wouldn't want that. "...How come... you like me? I mean, like, why am _I_ your best friend, specifically?"

Panda had maybe expected more frowning, or a lecture on self-appreciation, but to his surprise Charlie just laughed a little. "Pan-Pan, you're kidding! There's _so_  much to like about you!" He smiled brightly down at him. "You're smart, you're so talented, you're brave, you're kind..." Charlie's expression softened and for a moment he looked down (shyly?) and rubbed his arm. "You're really important to me, y'know?"

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Panda didn't feel like he deserved to be placed on such a high pedestal, but he knew Charlie was being genuine. Why he believed Panda was any of those things he couldn't say, but that didn't matter. Charlie cared for him, and Panda cared for him too. He sighed. "...Thanks, Charlie," he said and offered a small smile. It was the only thing he could think to say.

Charlie smiled sweetly, and pulled Panda into a loose hug, leaning down to kiss him on his forehead as he'd done numerous times before. "Aw, don't worry about it, Pumkin!" Panda knew it had been a platonic kiss, as it always was, but now with the weight of his realization in the back of his mind he couldn't stop his heart from stuttering at the possible implications behind it. He knew there probably _were_  no implications, but... Panda rubbed at his eyes as if thinking he could just wipe his thoughts away and looked back up at Charlie.

"Uh, hey, you wanna go back to your place?" He had just been looking for a reason to change the subject, but now that he'd said it he thought it was a good idea. There they could talk, unbothered, uninterrupted, and not have to do anything.

"Of course, Pan man! Whatever you want!" Taking Panda's hand again, he led the way back to his clearing.

Once there, Panda took a seat on one of the beds Charlie had made. It was pretty comfortable to sit on, aside from the couple of twigs poking him, but that was an easy fix.

"You comfy, Pan Pan?" Charlie called from the abandoned car. He was getting something out of there to show Panda, so he'd said.

"Yeah, all good here!"

Charlie returned and sat down across from Panda, holding a bundle of... something in his arms. "Good! Also, here, I wanted to show you this—it's pretty neat! A couple days ago I decided I'd start a rock collection but I didn't wanna show you till I got more rocks..." Charlie dropped the rocks on the grass between them, there were about seven, each different in color and texture.

"This one I found by the stream," Charlie said, picking up a rock and offering it to Panda, who took it and looked it over. It was really smooth, and a perfect oval shape, just flat enough to skip. "And this one—" Panda was handed another rock; this one more jagged and rough than the other, "—I found a little ways towards the edge of the woods. Oh! And then there's this one..."

Charlie picked up a rock and smiled down at it for a second before handing it to Panda to inspect. "It looks like you, see?" The rock was grey, but with two darker grey stripes on the top and bottom. Two little bits of moss towards the top almost looked like eyes. Panda chuckled a little, cause it kinda did look like him. "That one's my favorite," he heard Charlie say, a little bit quieter than usual. He had a cute, almost shy-looking smile on his face and for a moment Panda's mind cleared completely of everything but affection for him and his heart beat fast. Panda had known already, of course, that he liked Charlie, he'd even known he liked him romantically, but right now was probably the most eye-opening moment of clarity he'd had yet. There was no doubt in his mind now that he was very much in love with Charlie.

He blinked hard and cleared his throat. "So, uh, Charlie, do you... wanna come over and watch Swords and Castles with us? Sometime? Maybe?" _Why do you sound so awkward? Inviting him over is easy! You've done it tons of times before!_  "You, uh, missed the season finale but they're playing it on loop for like a week at the regular time so..."

"I'd love to!" Charlie said enthusiastically, barely letting Panda finish his sentence first. He knew Charlie didn't really know much about Swords and Castles, but he had fun anyway. He always seemed to jump at any opportunity to hang out with Panda and his brothers. A smile tugged at Panda's lips and he didn't try to fight it.

"Alright, sweet! I-I mean, that's cool..."

Charlie looked like he was getting ready to say something, but remained silent. He glanced at the ground and the trees around them. Did he look bashful? "Hey Pan man, quick question, not, uh... related to anything, just thinking..." He scratched the side of his head. "If you were... to get a girlfriend... we'd still hang out, right? Be best buds?"

Panda's gut reaction was to spill out all his feelings at once, but it just wasn't the right time. He held back from telling Charlie that right now he was the only thing on his mind. "Well, of course, man! I'll always be your best friend. But, I, uh, don't think you really have to be worrying about that."

Charlie blinked. "How come? You don't want a girlfriend anymore?"

Panda shrugged, battling down a blush. "Nah, not really. I mean... It's been kinda dumb, me running around trying to get girls to date me... I shouldn't rush into things with people I barely know." The words just came out on their own, and he wished he could have realized all of this sooner. "I'll find the right person eventually, you know? No telling who it is. Maybe I've even... already met them." Luckily Charlie didn't seem to catch on to what he was implying, which was a relief, but then as Panda thought about what he'd said, he started to get a sinking feeling in his stomach. He regretted how he used to behave, not just around Charlie, but in general—trying to date every girl he saw. It was embarrassing, really. Just the title of "not single" had been so important to him for so long and only now he realized how stupid that was. He wasn't "a single guy", he was Panda, and... Who exactly was that? He'd spent so much time dwelling on what he thought he needed that he never took the time to figure that out. A sudden feeling of dread crawled down his back. Was he even a good person? He'd ignored himself for so long that he didn't really know.

"...Pan-Pan? You alright?" Charlie's eyebrows were knit in concern and he had extended a hand to rest on Panda's shoulder. Charlie was a good person, and he liked him. That means he must be good, right? Or had he just somehow tricked Charlie into liking him? Panda found himself almost starting to cry, but he fought back the tears and smiled at Charlie. He had to be a good person... He was a good person. Wasn't he?

"Yeah man, I'm fine... don't worry." He waved a paw dismissively.

Charlie's eyes searched his for a moment. "...Alright, if you say so." He didn't sound too convinced, but he didn't push, which Panda appreciated. What did he ever do to deserve Charlie's affection? "Hey, it's gettin' late, you wanna start heading back to the cave?"

Late? Panda glanced at the sky, already orange as the setting sun. Huh. He had no idea he'd spent half the day out here. "Yeah, uh, I should get going... Will you walk with me?" The last part had just slipped out.

Charlie smiled. "Sure thing!" He got up and Panda followed suit. Grabbing his hand again, the two headed back through the woods towards the cave. They chatted along the way, small talk, mostly—and a bit of Panda summarizing the events leading up to the latest Swords and Castles episode. They were there in just a few minutes, and before Panda opened the door, he thought of something.

"Hey Charlie, wanna join us for dinner?"

Charlie blinked and shifted a bit. "You sure? Will y'all have enough food for an extra guest?" Panda thought it was a bit strange Charlie was hesitant—he never was, especially in regards to hanging out with him and his brothers. But he ignored it.

"Pft, don't be silly, Charlie—you're our friend! You're always welcome here." If it had been a year ago, Panda wouldn't have treated him so kindly. Another pang of guilt hit him, but now wasn't the time for a heartfelt apology.

"D'aww, thank you, Pumkin!" He patted him affectionately on the head, and Panda opened the front door to allow him in.

Ice Bear didn't mind making an extra meal—he had still been cooking when they arrived, anyway. To Panda's relief, Grizz (aside from a few winks and nudges here and there) didn't make any fuss over Charlie being there, nor did he say anything about his crush. The dinner went well. The four talked and joked and laughed, like friends do, and it was fun. After their meal Grizz pulled Panda aside for a minute while Ice and Charlie sat in the living room, Charlie trying to figure out how the remote worked and Ice eventually having to confiscate it.

"So, little bro, you made a move yet?" he spoke in a stage whisper.

Panda shook his head, rubbing his arm. "Not yet... I just don't feel like it's time?"

Grizz frowned. "Dude, the sooner the better. You'll lose confidence if you wait too long!"

"I know, I know, it's just... I want it to happen naturally, y'know? I don't wanna rush ahead into anything we aren't both ready for yet." Wow, that was the most mature thing he'd ever said. He was proud of himself.

His older brother paused for a bit, then smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Little bro, you do what feels right, okay? I believe in you." Unexpectedly he pulled him into a reassuring hug, and Panda struggled to free himself.

"Heh... thanks, bro. I really appreciate it." And he did. Without his brothers' support, dealing with a bombshell like this would have been way more difficult. He knew he could always count on them.

Grizz gave another pat on his shoulder and the two returned to the living room. The rest of the evening was nice. Grizz and Ice sat on the opposite side of the couch, letting Panda and Charlie sit together. There was something comforting about being pressed up so close to Charlie. Until a couple hours after dark, they all just watched whatever late night comedy shows came on, along with a couple episodes of various cooking shows. Ice Bear's choice, of course.

Eventually, when it got late, Charlie decided it was time to leave and said goodnight to the bears. Panda walked him to the door and Charlie stepped outside, turning back to Panda to say goodnight again. "Night, Pan Pan! Sleep tight, 'kay?"

Panda smiled. "I will, Charlie. You too. Uh, also, I..." He shifted his foot a bit. "I-I had a really good time today. It's nice spending time with you."

Charlie's eyes almost shone in the dark. "Really, Pan man? You mean it?" He smiled. "D'aww, that's so sweet of you..." He wrapped his arms around Panda and leaned down to give him another peck on the forehead. Without any thought Panda met him halfway. The moment he realized, his eyes shot open and he pulled away from Charlie's face. Oh god, he'd just kissed him. Oh god. His face flooded with heat. Charlie only blinked down at him, eyes extra wide. In the darkness Panda could barely make it out but it looked like he was blushing. _Oh my god._

"A-anyway goodnight Charlie sleep well goodbye!!" The words tumbled out in a hurry and before Charlie could say anything to respond Panda shut the door and leaned up against it, mortified, his heart beating so fast he was scared it might jump right out of his chest. What did he just do? Did he give himself away? Would Charlie have seen it as platonic? A kiss on the lips can be platonic, right? It was just a peck, that didn't necessarily mean anything, right? Surely Charlie wouldn't read too much into it—after all, he was always very openly affectionate. What's one kiss? Charlie kissed him all the time.

He didn't even notice he'd slid down to the floor and was nearly hyperventilating. His brothers were beside him in an instant, trying to help calm him down. Oh god. He'd just kissed Charlie. On the mouth. He wished the ground would just swallow him so he wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment.

"I-I'm going to bed," he stammered, and left his brothers behind. He shut his door and curled up in his bed, eyes still wide in shock. He knew that Charlie would likely see it as a platonic gesture, because he knew that's probably all Charlie thought of him. A friend—a good, platonic friend. But... maybe he would see it as romantic. Would that change things? Would it make their relationship tense and awkward if Charlie didn't feel the same way? Would he ignore it and pretend it never happened?

...But that was something to worry about the next time he saw Charlie. So for now Panda just curled up, hugging his blanket close to his chest. He had just kissed Charlie. His face reddened again. It had only been for half a second but he could almost still feel it. He kept replaying it over and over again in his head. He didn't get much rest that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I'll try to get ch 5 out faster than this one! and again a big thanks to @panlie-is-canon, this chapter would be completely different (and worse) without their help gkkfgk


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie has been taking Panda's abrupt goodbye less than well, and Panda isn't faring too good himself. After some hesitance on both ends, the two reach out to each other about what's bothering them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy Valentine's Day! I'm very sorry that this chapter took so long!!! truth be told I forgot about this fic for a while, then I got busy, blah blah excuses excuses, but it's here now! 
> 
> and I'd like to give a huge thank you to my editor (and good friend whom I Adore) @panlie-is-canon for helping me out so much with this chapter! it wouldn't be nearly as good as it is w/out his contributions : )
> 
> anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter! it's quite a bit longer than the others!

Grizz knocked on Panda's door. "Hey, Pan-Pan? Buddy?"

"I'm busy," Panda called from inside his room. Grizz frowned. He was probably just browsing the internet. He'd locked himself in his room for the past three days, coming out only to grab food or go to the bathroom. He always hurried back to his room, barely talking to his brothers. Panda had always been a bit quiet, but he'd never been like this. And as his big brother, he felt it was his responsibility to get to the bottom of it.

"Bro, it's noon and you haven't had breakfast yet. You should eat something. I brought breakfast," he added the last part cheerfully, hoping he could convince Panda to come out of his room. He held a bag of breakfast burritos.

After a few moments Panda opened his door. He looked at Grizz for a second, his fur ruffled and his eyes reddish. It looked like he had barely slept all night. "Thanks, Grizz, I owe you one." He took the bag from him and retreated back into his room, shutting the door. Grizz sighed, face falling. He was hoping he would at least come into the living room to eat.

Grizz went back into the living room, falling backwards onto the couch next to Ice Bear. "Do you know what's up with him?" he asked, turning to his youngest brother.

"Probably Charlie," Ice Bear said without looking up from his culinary magazine. "Dealing with feelings. Seems normal to Ice Bear."

Grizz sighed again, resting his head on his paw. "But... he just seems so... weird. Not a lovesick kind of weird but a stressed kind of weird." He scratched his ear. "You're probably right about the Charlie part, though. He got all upset after he left. Did you catch what they were saying?" Ice Bear shook his head. "Yeah, me neither. It had to be that..." He was mumbling mostly to himself now. Asking Panda would probably be useless.

But there was someone else who knew.

Grizz gasped, as if he'd just had a huge revelation. He would just go out and find Charlie! He was always honest, and was the only other person who could know what was bothering Panda. "I'll see you in a bit little bro, I'm gonna go find Charlie and get to the bottom of this." He hit his paw with a fist, brow furrowed with determination. He got up and walked out the front door, walking into the woods to begin his search.

/

Charlie balanced the last pinecone on top of the little pyramid he'd created, watching as it wobbled slightly before sitting in place. Not that it mattered if it fell over and he'd have to start again; he enjoyed having something to do, considering his current mindspace.

He was reeling. He had been for a couple days now. The kiss, the fireworks it had set off, and the rushed goodbye followed by a door slammed in his face, which had promptly lit a forest fire with the stray sparks. The rush of a thousand different emotions in that short sequence of events had not calmed down or settled like he'd hoped they would. Instead, they just churned louder in his head, and it was all he thought about.

Being busy did little to clear his head, but a little was enough. He'd been meaning to tidy up his place a bit for the bears, anyway, so why put it off? He'd re-weaved all the beds, full of more leaves and moss this time so they were fuller and softer, picked up stray leaves off the ground, put all the pinecones and rocks into neat little piles... straightened the painting hanging from his favorite tree....

Looking up at the painting from where he sat on the grass, Charlie's heart beat faster. He had been so sure the painting meant something... meant that maybe his strong feelings for Panda had at least a glimmer of a chance of being returned. Maybe that chance was still there, but Charlie was finding it hard to find any sunshine in the swirling winds in his mind. The way Panda had just closed the door on him so abruptly after their kiss, leaving him standing there, shocked, flustered, heart racing, and then not so much as popping out of his cave for a hello or even for a formal rejection....

Charlie sniffed and wiped at his eyes. Now was no time for ruminating, he had things to do. He glanced towards the car. That could definitely use some spiffing up. He stood to walk over to the the car, and the moment he opened the door a familiar face revealed itself.

"Snake! Buddy, where ya been?" he exclaimed, his voice a bit more hoarse than usual. Snake hissed, and Charlie nodded. "Oh, I see, a little trip with the family, huh? Sounds nice..." Snake hissed again, seeming to notice Charlie's downcast eyes. He hadn't been around for a few days, so Charlie hadn't filled him in on what had happened between him and Panda. Charlie sighed. "Well... it's... don't worry yourself over it, bud, it's alright."

Snake slithered up Charlie's arm, blinking up at him quizzically. Charlie smiled faintly. "Heh, yeah, alright, guess there's no point in keepin' you in the dark." He slid down the side of the car until he was sitting cross-legged on the grass again, Snake now propping himself up on his shoulder, a listening ear. "It, uh... it's about Panda." Snake let out a series of hisses, full of questions. "Slow down, buddy, I'm gettin' to it."

He began to recount the events of a few days prior, the nice visit the cave, how everything had been going so well, then the goodbye. He could barely muster the strength to put it in words. His eyelids fell dreamily as he described the kiss, but... what happened after... his heart began to pound again. He told Snake all about Panda's dismissive goodbye, the abrupt door slam, the silence that followed. The way the night suddenly had seemed to grow a lot colder, the tingling he could still feel on his lips turning to a confusing churning in his heart, a knot in his stomach, how he'd felt rejected in the worst way, how he didn't know if Panda would ever talk to him again, or where he stood with him, or if he'd done something wrong, or if he'd ever really had a chance with someone like Panda in the first place—

Snake shushed him with a hiss. He'd been rambling, the words just falling out of his mouth in thoughtless bundles. His eyes were wide and anxious. Snake coiled around his arm again in an attempt to calm him. It worked a bit. Charlie breathed deep and slow, clutching the grass below him and getting his bearings on reality again.

He blinked, calmer now, and Snake was headbutting him, urging him to listen. Charlie paid attention to his hisses, telling him to settle down, and that he was sure the reality of the situation wasn't as bad as Charlie was making it out to be. But despite Snake's words—if you could call them that—of encouragement, Charlie still felt like the sky was crashing down on him. Why else would Panda have acted like that, and then not speak to him for three days if something wasn't horribly wrong? He knew it must have been his fault. If only he could have kept his feelings more subtle, if only he hadn't dragged Panda away from his brothers at the theme park, if only he hadn't been so clingy and so easily excitable around him, so openly affectionate, maybe this could have been avoided. Maybe he was meant to be isolated from the world, maybe there was a reason he had never made long-term friends. He knew he should have just kept to himself. He sniffled and, this time, did nothing to stop the tears flowing from his eyes and staining his already unkempt looking fur. He wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling them up to his face and allowing himself to cry, Snake gently squeezing him to help stifle his shaking.

"I... I'm sorry you have to see me like this, Snake," he choked out between sobs, sniffing and wiping at the wet fur around his eyes. "It all just happened so fast..." Snake said nothing more, but wrapped himself around Charlie like a scarf, as close to a hug as he could manage. Charlie's trembling eventually lessened, but a few tears still fell from his eyes and he blinked them away, watching them fall onto the grass like raindrops.

Not too far away, a loud _splat_ followed by a grunt startled Charlie to his feet. He and Snake stared ahead, at the entrance of his clearing, where the sound had come from. Charlie's first thought was that it was Panda, which he wasn't sure if he should be anxious or excited about, so his brain decided on _extremely_  anxious. He took a step backwards, eyes wide, not sure what to do or what he'd say, if it really was Panda. And what if it wasn't? Was that worse? What if it was a person? That was definitely worse. Charlie was about to take off sprinting into the woods when he saw the figure emerge into his clearing.

"Uugh, that's quite a drop..." Grizz had mud and twigs all over him. He had a pained grimace on his face and was rubbing his arm. "Man, why would anyone wanna live in a place like th—Charlie!" As soon as the bear noticed Charlie's presence, his hurt expression disappeared and was replaced with his usual bright and friendly one. "Hey, man! I've been looking all over for you! Your place isn't so easy to find... I guess that's sorta the point though, huh?" He laughed, walking closer to where Charlie stood.

Charlie took a moment to catch his breath. While part of him was relieved it was only Grizz, another part of him was disappointed that it wasn't Panda. He cracked a feeble smile. "Yeah, heh. You know me."

As Grizz got closer, he stopped in his tracks. His smile fell and his eyes knit together in a concerned expression. "...Charlie? Have you been crying?"

"Wh—no, of course not, I, uh..." Charlie felt the breeze blow through his damp fur, and decided there was no point in lying. "...yeah... a little." He glanced down, embarrassed.

"Aw, buddy..." Grizz placed a paw on his friend's shoulder. He paused for a moment, seeming to consider his words. "This has something to do with Panda, doesn't it?"

Charlie's heart beat faster. "Y..yeah, how'd you know?"

"That's what I came here to talk about..." Grizz pulled a twig out of his muddy fur and tossed it away. "Panda's been acting super weird ever since you visited the other day. Could you tell me what happened? He won't come out of his room or talk to us or anything, and I just wanna know what's wrong." He paused again, his concerned expression not fading. "And whatever happened, looks like you're not doing so great either..."

Snake hissed urgently to Charlie, who shook his head. "No, don't worry, I can talk about it." He uncoiled his scaly friend and set him on the grass. "Thanks a million for your help though, bud." Snake blinked up at him before slithering away, leaving Charlie and Grizz to their conversation.

Feeling mostly cried-out, Charlie was able to tell Grizz the sequence of events without losing composure this time. He was more drained and sad than horribly anxious this time around. His mind was less of a raging river, and more of a muddy swamp, which didn't feel like much of an improvement. Grizz listened attentively, paw propping his chin up, nodding as Charlie spoke.

"Ohhh." After Charlie's tale was finished, Grizz's eyes brightened with understanding. "That does explain a lot."

"I've just been so worried, I... I don't know what to make of it all, it's so much, I just..." Charlie's mind started racing again, thought after thought appearing and disappearing as fast as they came. "Is he okay? Did he say anything? Does he hate me? Oh, he probably hates me, all cause of my big dumb feelings, I probably should've kept quiet about all of it, I know I should've..." Charlie was getting more and more distressed by the minute. Grizz grabbed hold of his shoulders before he could go spiraling into another fit of anxiety.

"Charlie, buddy, listen. You have nothing to worry about, okay?"

Charlie sniffed, tears beginning to brim his eyes again. "I... I don't know..."

"Well, I do, and..." Grizz trailed off. It looked like he wanted to say something, but kept quiet. After a brief pause he shook his head. "...Why don't you talk to Panda? I don't know what's up with him, but I'm sure you two can work this out. Together." He smiled encouragingly.

Charlie wrung his hands anxiously, not looking Grizz in the eyes. "That's... I-I can't, Grizz, I..." He paused and gave the offer some thought. What if Panda didn't hate him? At the very least, talking to him might give him a chance to apologize and get a formal rejection. The thought weighed on his heart, but he knew he'd have to move on eventually. Talking to Panda could be good. Plus... he missed him. "...Okay. Okay, I'll try it," he said, his voice lacking confidence.

Grizz beamed. "Awesome! Follow me and we'll go back to the... uh... hm." He looked down at the mud and grass that matted his fur. "...Do you know a way around that cliff?"

/

Panda's eyes stung as he stared at the music video he'd been watching on repeat for the past 20 minutes. He blinked slowly, as if he were out of practice, and continued staring blankly ahead. All of his manga was laid out on his bed—he'd re-read all of it. A bunch of crumpled up sketchbook papers littered the floor, most of their contents being nothing more than jagged scribbles. Sometimes they came out looking like roses, but he was still unsatisfied with anything he made, so he stuck to consuming content instead.

Distracting himself had seemed like the best course of action after the breakdown he had a few days ago. His panic had lasted well into the night, with Panda staring at the ceiling, eyes wide and heart pounding, unable to get the scene out of his head. How could he have been so stupid? Why would he ever do a thing like that? He could think of nothing more embarrassing and mortifying. Everything was ruined. He didn't want to know what Charlie was thinking. He didn't want to even think about it, as it gave him far too much stress. He preferred to pretend the situation didn't exist, and lose himself in mindless distractions.

But there was always a nagging at the back of his mind. With a flick of his ear he tried to ignore it. His rational mind was telling him that he can't ignore his problems forever, but his anxiety was urging him to try. He decided feeling nothing was better than feeling miserable.

It was the little things, though, that reminded him of Charlie, and of that night, and those things sent him spiraling into panic. A drawing shaped just a little too much like him, a goodbye kiss in his manga, even looking out his window was too much to bear. Distracting himself was so hard when everything he looked at reminded him of Charlie.

He closed his laptop and rolled onto his back, sighing heavily. What was he doing? It felt like he was running away but was caught in an endless loop, making no progress. He brought his paws up to rub at his eyes. He knew he had to stop this somehow. He was miserable. Thinking about Charlie made him miserable. _Not_  thinking about Charlie made him miserable. He hated that he had gotten himself into this and that there was no quick and easy solution. He wished he could just listen to his favorite song and feel normal again. But his favorite song had been on repeat for a while now, and nothing changed.

Panda scratched at his ear, just wanting to do _something_  to feel better. He regretted kissing Charlie, he regretted not letting his brothers help him, he regretted holing himself in his room for 3 days. His stomach growled. ...He regretted not finishing those burritos Grizz had gotten him.

He got up from his bed and walked over to the door, pausing as he placed his paw on its handle. He didn't want to leave his room, but he'd thrown what was left of his burritos in the trash, and he needed to eat. He opened the door and made his way to the kitchen, a bit weak from lack of food and sleep. Yawning, he opened the fridge and searched its contents. His eyes landed on a bowl of leftover tomato soup, and decided that would be good. He grabbed it and, closing the fridge door, put it in the microwave.

He leaned against the counter and closed his eyes for a bit, trying to focus on the whirring of the microwave. He heard the front door open and close again. "Hey, Pan-Pan!" Grizz called. Panda hadn't realized he left. He opened his eyes and saw Grizz poking his head into the kitchen. "It's nice to see you're eating! What're you having?" He stepped into the kitchen.

"Oh, just some soup," Panda croaked. His throat was drier than he realized. He grabbed a glass to pour some water for himself, too.

"Sooo, buddy..." Grizz stepped closer. "I brought something for you. I think it'll really help you feel better!" Panda raised an eyebrow. Grizz looked and sounded excited. He also looked like he'd been trudging through a swamp. This was getting more and more suspicious by the second.

"Okay..." He turned on the faucet and filled up his glass. "What is it?"

Grizz looked like he could barely contain his excitement. "I'll show you in one second, wait _right_  here." Grizz quickly trotted out of the kitchen. In a few moments he was back, glancing behind him occasionally. Panda took a sip of his water. "....Alright, come on in." A familiar lanky figure ducked into the kitchen, wearing a sheepish smile. Charlie glanced awkwardly around at the walls and floor before locking his gaze with Panda's.

"Uh, hiya, Pan-man."

Panda dropped his glass with a loud shatter.

"Grizz! Why would y—uh—Charlie, I, um, I..." The water pooling on the floor caught his attention when it reached his foot. "I-I have to get a towel," he sputtered, and promptly fled (less than gracefully) into the bathroom.

He leaned against the door with his eyes wide and his body entirely still. He felt like his heart could fall into his stomach. It took him a few moments to completely process that Charlie was here, in his kitchen, that he saw him, that he was real, that the night he last saw him was real. He couldn't hide from him anymore. Charlie was _here_ , right outside, and there was nothing Panda could do to wish him away.

So what now?

Panda swallowed hard. He knew Grizz, and he knew that he would want them to talk it out. Panda knew he had good intentions, but bringing Charlie in here was the last thing he needed. The source of his panic standing right in his cave? Panda wanted to pull his fur out.

But... this could be a good thing, couldn't it? Panda's gaze lowered to the floor. Maybe this is just what he needed. But it was hard to know what he needed anymore. He needed to feel better, and by any means necessary, and maybe Charlie was the solution. It's not like he could escape the situation now.

After a few minutes of gathering himself and splashing cold water on his face, Panda left the bathroom, towel in tow.

He found Grizz, Ice and Charlie all on the couch. Charlie had his head in his hands, looking distressed, Grizz's arm on his shoulder, saying something to him that Panda couldn't quite hear. When Charlie noticed his return, his face brightened and he sat up, looking directly at him. Panda's heart began to beat fast again, staring into those eyes he didn't realize he'd missed so much.

"You're back!" was all Charlie said. It looked like he wanted to say much more, but he stayed uncharacteristically quiet. Panda couldn't help but notice his ruffled fur, messy even by Charlie's standards, and how it appeared damp around his eyes—though he wasn't sure if he was imagining that or not. His eyes looked uncertain and almost pleading. Panda's mind raced with the possibilities of what Charlie could be thinking.

He tried to smile, but it likely came off as forced, if it looked like a smile at all. "Hi... Charlie..." God, he hated that Charlie was seeing him like this. He was a mess. His voice was weak, his eyes were dull, his fur was dirty... then again, Charlie never seemed to care about that sort of thing.

"I'll take that, little bro," Grizz said, taking the towel Panda held, smiling. "Don't you worry about the glass, I've got it taken care of. Why don't you two just talk?" Without giving Panda time to respond, he ushered him over to the couch, gently pushing him until he sat down next to Charlie, their legs gently brushing up against each other, the thought nearly sending Panda into cardiac arrest.

Neither of them said anything, each waiting for the other to speak first. They didn't look at each other, either. Panda's mind was still preoccupied with the fact that he was sitting this close to Charlie. Ice Bear, on the other end of the couch, cleared his throat.

"Ice Bear will give you some privacy." He stood up, closing his magazine and going into the fridge. With him in there and Grizz in the kitchen cleaning up water and glass, Panda and Charlie were left alone in the living room.

Panda didn't turn to look at Charlie, but could feel his eyes on him. Hesitantly, he turned his head and locked eyes with Charlie again, and his breath caught in his throat. They were so close to each other... His face reddened as his mind again reminded him of what he'd done a few days prior. He wondered if Charlie's messy appearance was his fault. He gulped. None of this would have happened if it weren't for Panda.

"...It's nice to see you, Charlie," Panda mumbled. Charlie's mustache twitched. What was going on in his mind? Panda was terrified to find out.

"You too, buddy," Charlie said, but it looked like his mind was elsewhere. It was rare that Panda found Charlie lost in his own head, he usually spoke his thoughts, and the fact that he wasn't worried Panda very much. This was his fault.

They remained quiet again, Panda glancing down at the couch and the floor. Both of them were ignoring the elephant in the room.

In the silence, Panda was suddenly made uncomfortably aware of all the little noises in the cave. The air conditioner in his room, the soft and constant whirring of the fridge, the sound of Grizz throwing glass in the trash, his own heartbeat echoing loudly in his ears, Charlie breathing next to him.

He started breathing harder. The cave seemed a lot smaller now than it did before. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. He couldn't breathe. He looked at the door. He had to get out of here.

"Heeey, you two!" Grizz had popped into the living room. "Just checking in! You guys doing alright? Need anything?"

"...Air..." Panda croaked. He was working hard to keep his breathing regular and stop himself from hyperventilating.

"Ohh... That's no problem, bud, you two should go outside! I know you could use some privacy anyway." Grizz led Panda to the door, and Charlie followed. Grizz opened the door and Panda immediately stepped outside, closing his eyes as he took in the fresh breeze. He took a few deep breaths, beginning to feel okay again.

After a quick goodbye, Grizz closed the door and Charlie and Panda stood outside.

"So..." Charlie began, his hand nervously scratching behind his head. "Wanna take a walk?"

/

The woods were peaceful, and it was almost possible for Panda to forget the reason he and Charlie were taking this walk. He could almost pretend that they were just walking, like they used to, like nothing had happened between them. Almost.

He fell into step with Charlie perfectly. His paw itched and for a moment he considered taking Charlie's hand, but thought better of it. He glanced up at his friend, whose eyes were fixed on the path ahead, occasionally raising his arms to move branches out of the way or brush leaves off his fur. He looked deep in thought.

The two reached a clearing Panda hadn't seen before. Maybe he had, but had never stopped here. It was a small clearing, the canopy above thick, with only a few gaps allowing sunlight to stream in. The grass glowed where the light hit it.

Charlie was still walking. Taking a deep breath, Panda tugged at his arm. He immediately turned to face him, eyes surprised and expectant. "Charlie, I..." _Just play it cool!_  "I-I want to talk. I don't want to keep walking. Can we stop here?" The desperation in his voice made it impossible to pretend everything was fine. Everything wasn't fine. This wasn't a normal walk, and there was a heaviness that hung in the air around them. It was uncomfortable and stuffy and made Panda desperate for the old, lighthearted atmosphere they used to share. He knew they had to talk this out. He had to know what Charlie was thinking.

"Oh, sure," Charlie said, trying to sound cheery but his weak voice gave away his exhaustion. He wondered if Charlie hadn't been sleeping, either. He glanced around. "I come here sometimes... it's a good thinking spot. Quiet." Charlie wasn't looking at him. Panda wanted to panic again.

He swallowed his fear, allowing it to rest in his stomach for now. "I-I... you know, what happened the other night..." He frantically searched for words, wishing they would just come to him naturally like they used to, but they didn't. "I'm sorry." He sniffed, willing himself not to tear up.

Charlie said nothing for a moment. Panda was looking at the ground, but he knew Charlie was looking at him. He pressed his paws tightly together as if maybe he could squeeze the tension away. "Why're you sorry?" The question caught Panda off guard.

"U-uh, well, cause, um... You know, it was..." He glanced up at him. Charlie had no hint of discomfort in his eyes, no hint of much more than silent curiosity. But his eyes weren't as bright as they used to be; maybe it was the dim lighting. "It was dumb. I didn't mean for it to happen like that, I just... I don't know, you leaned down, and I..." He swallowed hard. "I-I'm really sorry, Charlie, I didn't want you to find out like this. I wanted it to happen on its own. It was a dumb idea and I should've stopped myself." His eyes began to sting, but he forced back his tears, clenching his fists tightly and inhaling sharply. He looked up at Charlie, his gaze resting on Panda's, eyes worried, curious, but there was something else familiar about them. Panda couldn't name the emotion, and didn't feel like trying. He suppressed a hiccup and continued on. "Charlie, you mean so much to me..." Might as well say it. He had nothing to lose. Well, he had everything to lose, really, but if Charlie rejected him, there was nothing he could do.

"I love you, Charlie," he said, his voice quiet, as if he didn't want Charlie to hear him. He tore his eyes away, not wanting to see Charlie's face. "I-I love you a lot, I mean, more than a friend. More than a best friend. You know what I mean." His face was burning up, his heart was on fire. "I'm sorry..." The grass he was staring at blurred and distorted, he sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

For a moment he almost forgot Charlie was there. It was like he was standing alone, talking to no one but himself, crying pointlessly. But the crunching of leaves in front of him reminded Panda of his friend's presence, and he dared to look up again.

Charlie was closer now, a hand raised as if he wanted to place it on Panda but couldn't decide if he should. He was trembling slightly, and when Panda noticed he, too, was crying, is when he really lost it. He grabbed onto Charlie, tightly, to steady himself, and almost immediately Charlie wrapped his arms around him.

"Panda..." He heard Charlie choke out above him. "I don't know what to say, I..."

Panda waited forlornly for Charlie to reply. At this point he didn't care if he got rejected. He held onto Charlie like his life depended on it—which, in the moment, it felt like it did.

“Panda, I'm so happy!” Charlie choked out above him, catching Panda off guard. Suddenly he was squeezed tightly and lifted off the ground, being swung around, the clearing turning to a green-and-yellow blur. When he was finally set down, he caught his balance and looked up at Charlie, beaming, tears falling from his eyes, a huge smile on his face. He sniffed and wiped at his face. “Pan-Pan, I-I… I thought you'd never say that… I love you too! I love you so much! I was so worried you didn't feel the same…” He started laughing in between his sobs, the sheer joy on his face like nothing Panda had ever seen, the amber light streaming in from above illuminating him and reflecting off his tears. His excitement was contagious.

“Really? You do?” Panda asked, trembling, his heart thumping fast. He could hardly believe it. The twinkle behind Charlie’s eyes, the awkward glances away when he’d been staring, the hugs, the kisses, everything was coming together now. Charlie loved him. Panda’s breathing stopped for a moment. Charlie _loved_  him, the same way that Panda did. Panda couldn't contain his elation. He grabbed onto Charlie’s arms and looked up at him, just wanting to see his eyes shining down at him.

“Yes! Yes, so much!” Charlie sputtered, as if he couldn't find enough words to describe what he was feeling. Panda felt the same. He felt happy, for sure, he felt like the world was all sunsets and green grass and fireflies, he felt like the birds in the trees were singing for them, he felt endlessly grateful for the person in front of him and the things he was feeling, he felt in love. Without warning Charlie leaned down to place a kiss on Panda's forehead, the gesture wasn't new, but it was definitely welcome. He felt fuzzy all over. Once Charlie pulled away, Panda looked up at him, his eyes twinkling like the setting sun, as lively as if he hadn't been crying at all. His eyes searched Panda’s like he wanted to say something, or to blurt out everything that was on his mind, but couldn't find the right way to say it. So he didn't. Instead he wrapped Panda in another tight embrace, and Panda could feel his smile against his fur.

"Oh, Pan-Pan, I still can't believe you said that, but I'm so happy you did..." Panda pulled away and searched for words; he could feel the rush of adrenaline and affection through his veins. As he wondered what to say, he looked Charlie over, noticing once more his matted fur, and with a stab of guilt realized the anguish Charlie must have been feeling during their days apart. With the way he had slammed the door on him without an explanation… He felt inclined to hold him close again, to apologize for how thoughtless he'd been—not just the other night, but how thoughtless he'd always been towards Charlie. He deserved so much better than what Panda used to give him.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie..." He grabbed one of his hands between his own, feeling the need to hold onto him, whether it be for his comfort or Charlie's. "I really didn't mean to slam the door like that, I wasn't thinking, I was just so embarrassed... and..." He glanced around at the grass, the trees, the soft light illuminating Charlie... "And I'm really sorry about everything else, too."

Charlie blinked, bright eyes softening. "Everything else? What do you mean?"

Charlie was so forgiving. He was so sweet and full of love, Panda wasn't surprised he didn't seem to care about Panda's past behavior towards him, but the guilt still weighed heavily on him. The person he used to be didn't deserve a friend like Charlie. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. I was mean, and selfish, and—and I didn't give you the respect you deserved." He squeezed his hand instinctively. "You deserved a friend who was as nice to you as you were to me... and I wasn't that friend," He took his other paw and wiped at his eyes. "I wish I could go back and be nicer to you. You were always so good to me. I... didn't really deserve it."

Charlie placed a hand gently on Panda's cheek, causing his heart to skip a beat. His hand was warm, a nice contrast to the stinging cold he felt on his face from the breeze blowing through his soaked fur. He looked into his eyes, full of affection as they usually were, but this time it was a deeper affection than it ever had been, or at least it was the first time Panda could understand it fully. He knew now how Charlie felt about him, and though he wasn't sure he entirely deserved Charlie's heart, he was glad to have it and would treat it with better care than anything else.

"Of course you deserved it," Charlie said, smiling reassuringly down at him. "No one's perfect, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve good things." Charlie glanced down bashfully. "I, uh, I really appreciate you too. I'm glad you stuck around all this time."

"Of course I did," Panda said, meeting Charlie's gaze again when he glanced back up. The breeze ruffled his matted fur, and the pinkish-oranges of the sunset sliced through the trees and landed perfectly on his face, illuminated against the dim greens of the surrounding trees and bushes. He was glowing, and it wasn't just the blazing oranges of sunset. Panda's eyes half-closed as he inspected Charlie closer, wondering what colors he could mix to perfectly capture this moment in a painting, leaning closer to consider the brush strokes he would use to show the direction of his fur, thinking of ways he could make the canvas as beautiful as Charlie looked, realizing with calm reserve that it was impossible. Some moments can never be captured in a painting, no matter how talented or passionate the artist. Panda closed his eyes, and pressed his lips to Charlie's, feeling warm and tingly all over, feeling the sunlight on his back and the breeze against his fur. Charlie smelled like the forest.

Charlie didn't protest, nor did he hesitate to wrap his arms around Panda again, letting out a long and content breath through his nose. Panda pulled back only to kiss him again, wanting to relish the feeling forever, his mustache tickled but wasn't distracting, and the warmth between them was a welcome change to the coldness he had felt for the three days he'd isolated himself from the world. Right now he couldn't begin to imagine why he would ever want to avoid something like this.

In his earlier rush of adrenaline he could almost forget his exhaustion. But in the comfort and closeness and warmth he felt with Charlie, he felt like he could melt in his arms, and would not be opposed to sleeping right there. He pulled away, seeing Charlie open his eyes and smile brightly down at him. The tips of his fur were glowing orange, reflecting the light from the dusk sky. It was getting late.

"Hey, Charlie..." Panda began, getting an idea. "Would you wanna stay over at the cave tonight? I really need to sleep, but..." He kicked at some grass shyly. "...I really wanna stay with you longer, I mean... we just... you know, with everything that happened and all..." He glanced up at Charlie, who was smiling.

"I'd love to, Pan man!" He was beaming. He looked even happier than when Panda had given him his painting, and his heart swelled with affection. "You know I always love spending time with you." Panda laughed, embarrassed, but he knew it was true. He was so lucky that Charlie loved him.

Hand in hand, the two walked back to the cave, the heavy tension that had once hung over them lifted, allowing them room to breathe and to chat freely like they used to, and laugh with each other and feel free now that their feelings were out in the open and there was no need to hide. Panda felt as if he were walking on clouds the whole way back, the first stars shining in the sky cheering him on, sending him and Charlie their love.

He opened the door to see Grizz and Ice sitting on the couch, Grizz immediately jumping to his feet and running over to greet them.

"How'd it go?" he asked excitedly, eyes flickering from Panda to Charlie to their joined hands, a grin spreading on his face as he placed the pieces together.

"Really well," Panda said with a dreamy smile.

"Aw, I'm so happy for you two!" He squeezed the both of them in a tight hug, leaving Panda breathless when he let go. He looked between the two of them, smiling warmly. "So glad you two talked it out and got together! I hope you're both really happy." His eyes were gleaming.

Panda smiled bashfully, blushing at the word "together". "Thanks, Grizz."

They stepped inside the cave and Ice was up as well, walking towards the pair and inspecting them up and down.

He placed a paw on Panda's shoulder. "Ice Bear is proud of you. Knew you would end up together."

Ice then rested his gaze on Charlie. "Charlie is perfect partner for Panda. Ice Bear trusts you."

Charlie offered a half-smile and scratched the back of his head awkwardly, looking just as flustered as Panda. "Heh, thanks..."

Panda felt lucky to have such supportive brothers. He never could have made it this far without them.

Suddenly his stomach growled, and he remembered he had barely eaten today. "...Uh, do we still have that soup by any chance?"

"Even better! Little bro's cooking spaghetti," he said, motioning to Ice Bear, who was already in the kitchen donning his apron and gathering cooking supplies. Spaghetti _did_  sound good... "For now you two lovebirds just make yourselves comfortable, okay?" Grizz ducked into the kitchen with Ice Bear, and Panda and Charlie were left alone.

_"Lovebirds", huh?_  Panda thought to himself before looking at Charlie and making his way over to the couch, sitting down with a heavy sigh, Charlie following suit. They were tired physically from standing for so long, but mentally invigorated.

_Lovebirds... Yeah, I guess we are_. Panda smiled to himself, blushing a bit at the thought.

He glanced over at Charlie, who was already looking at him, but quickly tried to pretend he wasn't by glancing all over the cave instead, trying to pick something else to look at. Panda laughed a little. _I guess... he's my boyfriend, right?_

"Hey, Charlie?" he asked.

Charlie perked up next to him. "Yeah, Pan man?" His voice was still bubbly. Warmth filled Panda's chest.

"Are we, like... y'know... boyfriends? I mean, we both like each other and everything..." Panda felt a little silly using the word "like" as if he was a middle schooler asking his crush out to the dance.

"I sure hope so," Charlie said with a laugh. "It'd be kinda weird to not be, right?"

"Yeah... it kinda would." He smiled up at him. He had a boyfriend now. Excitement surged through him. He'd been waiting so long to be in a relationship that he could hardly believe he was finally in one. What was even stranger is that it felt completely natural and comfortable. Panda had always thought romantic relationships were something you had to put on an act for to earn, something that was more like an achievement or a badge of honor than a natural progression of an already existing relationship. Charlie was his boyfriend, and it hardly even felt like anything had changed between them. They were still friends, but closer than ever, and Panda couldn't be happier.

"I've been hoping we'd be boyfriends for a while," Charlie said, smiling sheepishly.

"Really? How long is a while?" Panda asked. He had never considered before his own realization that Charlie might have had feelings for him. His affectionate behavior did go pretty far back... there was no telling how long Charlie had known. Months, maybe? Panda frowned. That was a long time to be dealing with the confusing and difficult feelings Panda had been dealing with for only a short while.

"Oh, let's see..." Charlie tapped his chin and furrowed his brow in thought. "I'd say when I took you out to that waffle restaurant is when I knew for sure. But I dunno, it's hard to say exactly..."

The waffle restaurant...? _That was over a year ago_ , Panda thought to himself with the startling realization that Charlie had been hiding his feelings for a long, long time. Much longer than Panda ever would have been able to bear it. "...That's a long time..." he murmured.

"Hmm... It doesn't seem that long." Charlie reclined in the couch and put his hands behind his head and his feet up on the coffee table. He looked more comfortable now than he did when they first entered the cave. "Just bein' around you made me pretty happy," he added with a relaxed smile. Panda guessed the adrenaline from the earlier confession was wearing off, and his exhaustion was catching up to him. Panda's own eyes were starting to feel a bit droopy as well, but he didn't feel like sleeping yet.

"Did you feel... bad?" Panda asked worriedly. When he realized his feelings, he'd been in agony. And he hardly even had time to dwell on it. But to have that realization and the feelings and fears and hopes that came with it for over a _year_? Panda couldn't even begin to imagine the heartache.

Charlie frowned. "Sometimes..." But a moment later his face lit up again. "Not usually, though. I was lucky we got to be best buds!"

Panda felt another pang of guilt. It had taken him a while to warm up to the idea of Charlie being his best friend. With how long Charlie had felt this way about him and how sweet he always was to him, he felt it was hardly fair. Charlie had definitely gotten the short end of the stick. "Yeah. I was lucky, too. ...I wish I could've realized that sooner." He dropped his gaze to the couch.

"Hey—don't worry about it, Pan-Pan!" Charlie said, lifting his chin with one hand. "I couldn't have asked for a better best friend." He smiled affectionately. Panda suddenly felt like crying, but no tears came. He only sniffed and smiled gratefully up at his now-boyfriend.

"Ditto."

Suddenly Grizz re-entered the living room. "Dinner's ready!" he called, and Panda was reminded of the stabbing pain in his stomach. He needed to eat.

"Alright, coming," he replied, pushing himself to his feet and waiting for Charlie to do the same. The two walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table, hungry eyes focused on the spaghetti Ice was dishing out onto everyone's plates, already on the table.

Grizz pulled up his own chair and sat down, rubbing his paws together eagerly. "Dinner time!" He glanced back and forth between Charlie and Panda, eyes bright. "I'm sure you guys have a lot to tell us!"

Panda's stomach growled loudly. "Can it wait until after we eat? I'm _starving_."

Grizz laughed. "Of course, little bro! But don't leave anything out!"

Panda was sure Charlie was as eager as he was to talk about their new relationship, and this was definitely something he wanted to share with his brothers. But first—Ice Bear finally dished out some spaghetti onto Panda's plate—he had to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again I'm so sorry this chapter took forever, oops... but i hope it was worth the wait! and in case you're wondering, no, I don't think this is the last chapter. I don't know when I'll end this fic but I know I'd like to keep it going! thank u all so much for your patience and support!! <33


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